Hello folks, let’s talk about shame today.  It’s such a fabulous topic.  Nope.

We really are in strife in the shame department. It seems rampant in our society, I think most of us were brought up with a shame-based discipline.  Not because our parents were bad parents. They were just doing what they’d been taught. Can’t count on all my fingers and toes how many clients I see a month that are riddled with shame. And they’re fabulous people. All of them.

I can clearly remember my Mum relating a story to me about how she’d stopped herself from doing something (with Dad … before they were married:) ) because she knew how ashamed she would feel if her mother found out.   I remember her telling me this when I was dating a 23 year old guy, a little Omar Sharif looking I have to say. I was a mere 17 …. pretty transparent why she told me this story … geez Mum, no pressure.

Apart from the disapproving, ‘I’m disappointed in you [insert full name] type of comments from parents/teachers and other influencers, it’s good to be aware that shame is also an excellent way for people within dysfunctional relationships to control each other.

I don’t know about you, but I hate being made to feel like I’ve done something wrong, when I am innocently tripping along through life, thinking I’m being a fairly decent person. But I can still get triggered into feeling shame by a simple comment, one where I feel that I have disappointed someone.

Sometimes I don’t even need other people to make me feel like this … I can do it all by myself:) Just by reflecting back on something that I’ve done and judging myself. Humans are weird aren’t they. Do you think a cat would ever do this? (Gee, I ate the other cat’s dinner … I feel terrible, and shall ponder that and make myself feel bad for a couple of days …  wait, no! There’s some sunshine to spread out in,and soak up!) Definitely coming back as a Moggie next time.

Anyway, once you’ve had a bit of a geyser into your past and observed where these shameful feelings originated from, you can forgive whoever, and start to reject shame from your life. It’s quite handy to see a professional to help you do this, or you can do it yourself using EFT tapping, which is great. I’ll put up a ‘Shame’ tapping script in the next post. In the meantime, repeat these at any time you observe yourself revisiting ‘Shame Lane’.  You can develop a new way of thinking, and it’s going to be a huge relief, and make you feel great.

 

So, these are your mantras:

  1. I love and accept myself just the way I am
  2. I am ok with all the mistakes I have made in the past, and will make in the future
  3. I’m doing my best
  4. It’s ok to have problems, struggling is part of the human condition
  5. I cherish my human-ness. There is no such thing as a perfect human being
  6. I’m no longer going to fall into the shame trap
  7. It’s ok to be exactly who I am, right now in my life

Take care, and let me know how you go.

Love as always,

Julie Zommers, Happiness Warrior

About Julie Zommers

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Matrix Re-imprinting Transformational Practitioner, Workshop Presenter & Published Author. TrulyMadlyDeeplyHappy.com

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