Hello folks, let’s talk about shame today. It’s such a fabulous topic. Nope.
We really are in strife in the shame department. It seems rampant in our society, I think most of us were brought up with a shame-based discipline. Not because our parents were bad parents. They were just doing what they’d been taught. Can’t count on all my fingers and toes how many clients I see a month that are riddled with shame. And they’re fabulous people. All of them.
I can clearly remember my Mum relating a story to me about how she’d stopped herself from doing something (with Dad … before they were married:) ) because she knew how ashamed she would feel if her mother found out. I remember her telling me this when I was dating a 23 year old guy, a little Omar Sharif looking I have to say. I was a mere 17 …. pretty transparent why she told me this story … geez Mum, no pressure.
Apart from the disapproving, ‘I’m disappointed in you [insert full name] type of comments from parents/teachers and other influencers, it’s good to be aware that shame is also an excellent way for people within dysfunctional relationships to control each other.
I don’t know about you, but I hate being made to feel like I’ve done something wrong, when I am innocently tripping along through life, thinking I’m being a fairly decent person. But I can still get triggered into feeling shame by a simple comment, one where I feel that I have disappointed someone.
Sometimes I don’t even need other people to make me feel like this … I can do it all by myself:) Just by reflecting back on something that I’ve done and judging myself. Humans are weird aren’t they. Do you think a cat would ever do this? (Gee, I ate the other cat’s dinner … I feel terrible, and shall ponder that and make myself feel bad for a couple of days … wait, no! There’s some sunshine to spread out in,and soak up!) Definitely coming back as a Moggie next time.
Anyway, once you’ve had a bit of a geyser into your past and observed where these shameful feelings originated from, you can forgive whoever, and start to reject shame from your life. It’s quite handy to see a professional to help you do this, or you can do it yourself using EFT tapping, which is great. I’ll put up a ‘Shame’ tapping script in the next post. In the meantime, repeat these at any time you observe yourself revisiting ‘Shame Lane’. You can develop a new way of thinking, and it’s going to be a huge relief, and make you feel great.
So, these are your mantras:
- I love and accept myself just the way I am
- I am ok with all the mistakes I have made in the past, and will make in the future
- I’m doing my best
- It’s ok to have problems, struggling is part of the human condition
- I cherish my human-ness. There is no such thing as a perfect human being
- I’m no longer going to fall into the shame trap
- It’s ok to be exactly who I am, right now in my life
Take care, and let me know how you go.
Love as always,