Here’s the story of my Mum who had Alzheimer’s for 10 years, and after you’ve read it, I think you’ll understand why I have created an online Carer’s Support Program to help others in a similar position. I want to share the EFT tapping technique with them, because it gave me so much peace along the way.
Let me paint a picture of life then.
I used to think often: where have you gone darling one?
She went from the beautiful, confident, loving presence in my life to a person that I hardly recognised. Right up until her death, I would see a glimpse… ah yes, that’s Mum ..maybe she’s back!
She started by losing her confidence, her memory. Denial was a rampant. Mum and Dad resisted the inevitable for years.
Oh the frustration of offering help in terms of information. Accepted and ignored. The desperation of wanting to help … not quite knowing how.
The slow demise. Mum’s world getting smaller and smaller as her independence diminished. I know it’s all over now, but I just want to sob when I think of this.
The fracture within our family as we struggled to come to grips with this new reality. The resentments, the fears, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
My little girl feelings: Where is my gorgeous Mum? I just want her back!
Her weird behaviour .. the hiding of handbags, the staring, obsessional behaviour. Her sitting at a dinner table, looking at me as a cue to knowing how to pick up a knife and fork. She watched, she copied. Apparently this is normal.
Her saying, ‘let me make you a cup of coffee darling’, and staring at the kettle, wondering what she had to do with it.
Her never singing ‘Happy Birthday’ on the phone any more, because she didn’t know how.
Her stubborn resistance to admitting what was wrong, or wanting any help. Her anger at me at times.
And my feelings… my rage that this could happen, my resentment towards those who I felt should be there, my indignation when people would treat Mum like a child, my shitful horrible thoughts to those who disappeared from her life. Disrespectful doctors who talked as though she wasn’t in the room. Of course I understand it all now, everyone does their best.
The impacting episode when Mum wanted to come away on a weekend that I had planned with my sister, telling me that ‘She would be no trouble, she would be a good girl’. Kill me now, I thought to myself. I just can’t stand this.
Her coming out of the bathroom, with face completely covered with talcum powder, when I suggested she ‘pop a bit of powder on her face’. Move over Marcel Marceau. Ok. This was quite funny. But poignant all the same.
Her sitting in a pot plant at a friends because she thought it was a chair. OK, this is quite funny too, but only if you don’t take into account the magnificent woman she was previously.
And then the sobbing as we led her into her new ‘home’ at the aged care facility.
And the subsequent weeks where she would cling to me like a Koala and plead for me to take her home from ‘this place with all of the mad people’. Always maintaining that she would be ‘no trouble.’
Was she manipulative and playing at my heart strings? No. She was just someone wanting to cling to the old life. Where she had a houseful of kids and friends, entertaining, and loving life. Who wouldn’t want to hold onto that?
Then trying to run away from the aged care home, spitting at people, crying all the time, and then her inability to dress herself, feed herself, toilet herself.
Calls from the manager of the home, telling me Mum had turned into a sex fiend. The Mum I knew would have died if she could have seen herself in the future.
And finally, one day, not knowing me. Looking at my face, and not knowing who I was.
In the end, she took her own life. It was simply too hard to bear.
So that is why I have created an EFT Tapping course for Carers of Alzheimer’s sufferers. It will never help her. But maybe, just maybe it will help you or someone you know get through this time with their loved one with more peace.
With love as always,
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my story almost exactly except my dear mum wouldn’t know how to take her own life but sadly sometimes I wish she did or that god could see she has had enough, and so have we as a family.
Hi Robyn, I use to wish that all the time in the last year. It’s a buggar of a disease isn’t it darling. Hope I can help heaps of people on this course. Jxo
my mum has just moved into an Aged Care Facility. She is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and it is a daily struggle for us family members. I spoke to her on Sat. night and she couldn’t even remember that a friend had taken her out that day to visit another dear family friend !!!! It is so hard, and there just isn’t enough support out there
My heart goes out to you. Louise. I do hope you make it to the webinar. Register anyway and the recording will be sent to you.
I have a very dear friend who I love like a mother go from a loving, thoughtful person to someone I just don’t know anymore she has Alzheimer’s as well as Parkinson and my heart goes out to her everytime I see her in the Age care centre I just wish there was more help out there to find a cure but alas there is not. Julie
Hey Julie, I think they’re working on it, but it can’t come fast enough can it! Hugs to you, it’s a tough time. J x
Oh Julie, my heart goes out to you. As a nurse I worked with people with advanced dementia for a couple of years. I grew close to many of the families and the inevitable decline of their loved one was heartbreaking and very, very difficult to watch. Usually grief comes after losing someone to death, but with Alzheimers, the grief starts before when the person you love vanishes, dignity is lost……
Of all the illnesses we humans are afflicted with, I believe this is one of the hardest to cope with. Here’s hoping that you have found some comfort in helping others and that a cure is found soon. Thank you for sharing.
Tracey, thank you so much for taking the time out to reply. Your thoughts are so appreciated and I also applaud someone like yourself who has worked with dementia patients, I take my hat off to you! I’d love it if you could pass my info on to anyone that you think it may help J x