Here’s the story of my Mum who had Alzheimer’s for 10 years, and after you’ve read it, I think you’ll understand why I have created an online Carer’s Support Program to help others in a similar position. I want to share the EFT tapping technique with them, because it gave me so much peace along the way.
Let me paint a picture of life then.
I used to think often: where have you gone darling one?
She went from the beautiful, confident, loving presence in my life to a person that I hardly recognised. Right up until her death, I would see a glimpse… ah yes, that’s Mum ..maybe she’s back!
She started by losing her confidence, her memory. Denial was a rampant. Mum and Dad resisted the inevitable for years.
Oh the frustration of offering help in terms of information. Accepted and ignored. The desperation of wanting to help … not quite knowing how.
The slow demise. Mum’s world getting smaller and smaller as her independence diminished. I know it’s all over now, but I just want to sob when I think of this.
The fracture within our family as we struggled to come to grips with this new reality. The resentments, the fears, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
My little girl feelings: Where is my gorgeous Mum? I just want her back!
Her weird behaviour .. the hiding of handbags, the staring, obsessional behaviour. Her sitting at a dinner table, looking at me as a cue to knowing how to pick up a knife and fork. She watched, she copied. Apparently this is normal.
Her saying, ‘let me make you a cup of coffee darling’, and staring at the kettle, wondering what she had to do with it.
Her never singing ‘Happy Birthday’ on the phone any more, because she didn’t know how.
Her stubborn resistance to admitting what was wrong, or wanting any help. Her anger at me at times.
And my feelings… my rage that this could happen, my resentment towards those who I felt should be there, my indignation when people would treat Mum like a child, my shitful horrible thoughts to those who disappeared from her life. Disrespectful doctors who talked as though she wasn’t in the room. Of course I understand it all now, everyone does their best.
The impacting episode when Mum wanted to come away on a weekend that I had planned with my sister, telling me that ‘She would be no trouble, she would be a good girl’. Kill me now, I thought to myself. I just can’t stand this.
Her coming out of the bathroom, with face completely covered with talcum powder, when I suggested she ‘pop a bit of powder on her face’. Move over Marcel Marceau. Ok. This was quite funny. But poignant all the same.
Her sitting in a pot plant at a friends because she thought it was a chair. OK, this is quite funny too, but only if you don’t take into account the magnificent woman she was previously.
And then the sobbing as we led her into her new ‘home’ at the aged care facility.
And the subsequent weeks where she would cling to me like a Koala and plead for me to take her home from ‘this place with all of the mad people’. Always maintaining that she would be ‘no trouble.’
Was she manipulative and playing at my heart strings? No. She was just someone wanting to cling to the old life. Where she had a houseful of kids and friends, entertaining, and loving life. Who wouldn’t want to hold onto that?
Then trying to run away from the aged care home, spitting at people, crying all the time, and then her inability to dress herself, feed herself, toilet herself.
Calls from the manager of the home, telling me Mum had turned into a sex fiend. The Mum I knew would have died if she could have seen herself in the future.
And finally, one day, not knowing me. Looking at my face, and not knowing who I was.
In the end, she took her own life. It was simply too hard to bear.
So that is why I have created an EFT Tapping course for Carers of Alzheimer’s sufferers. It will never help her. But maybe, just maybe it will help you or someone you know get through this time with their loved one with more peace.
With love as always,