Have you ever struggled with whether you should keep going, or just walk away?
How do your perceive yourself?
- Are you one of those ‘brilliant’ people who spend you life living out the quote : ‘Never, ever give up.’
(I want to smack the person who said this:) ) There’s a time and a place to give up. - Do you start 100 things, and ‘give up’ by default, never finishing anything?
- Do you decide to give up way too early, because of lack of faith in yourself?
- Or are you sheepishly thinking to yourself here,’ I’m one of those people who give up before I even start.’
- Do you know that what you’ve embarked on doesn’t feel ‘right’ anymore, but you can’t give up because you think you have to keep going, even though your heart isn’t in it?
Our ‘ego mind’ drives us to show up a particular way in the external world. The ego mind is like your ‘hard drive’ that runs the show. (You’re the show). It’s your program. And about 90% of the time it’s running off old, irrelevant information, and stories that we’ve made up about who we are and what other people expect from you. Stories that we’ve pieced together by messages we’ve picked up from our parents/siblings/teachers/church/advertising.
So, back to the choices you are making. Are you truly doing what you love? Are you making choices for yourself, or are they driven by what other people expect of you? Or are you stopping yourself from making choices because of old programming? e.g.
- I never give up, I’m strong (mother)
- I always give up, I’m weak (coach)
- It’s wrong not to finish something when you start it (teacher)
- I can’t even start (siblings e.g. ‘who do you think you are’)
- I can’t keep going because I’ll be judged when it’s finished (classmates)
- I’m not good enough, I’m giving up (boss: I’m taking you off this project)
So, let’s take everyone out of the equation. And let’s take all of those messages out of the equation.If there was nothing to lose, what would you be doing? What would you ‘give up’ on? And what would you embark on?
There is no BADGE for continuing on with something in your life if it doesn’t bring you joy. And there is no badge for playing small, and giving up on your dreams. Both of these are forms of ‘giving up’. Who made up that ‘giving up’ rule anyway? Is there a panel in the sky judging you? Who are they? And what do they have to do with your choices?
SOMETIMES IT’S GREAT TO GIVE UP! It’s liberating. We should all do it at least a couple of times in our life!
The thing is, that you get to decide what you trulymadlydeeply want. Not from outward influences, but from YOU. That place within you that knows what you need to be doing in your life.
There are two parts to this: giving up, or changing the route on whatever you are doing right now that doesn’t serve your greater purpose, and secondly, giving up the idea that you can’t do something when you know it is right for you!
Even when you decide to aim towards something, and it stops feeling good, you can always re-route!
Let me liken this to my TOM TOM, my navigation system in my car. I have put in a destination. I have taken a wrong turn, and within a flash, it’s re-routed me. A slightly different route, but the same destination.
OK, So a bit of a reveal here.
I am a ‘dog with a bone’ sort of person, (visualise a terrier with a vice like grip on a bone).I am a tenacious, stubborn, and ‘put everything into a project’ person. Nothing in the past would have ever made me give up on something, once I said I’m going to do it. What would people say?
That has changed.For two reasons.
Firstly, because I have let go of the perception that others would judge me if I didn’t complete something til the bitter end. And secondly, because I trust my inner guidance a lot more these days.
My credo now is, ‘if it doesn’t feel great, then don’t do it.’
Now, I’m not talking about giving up when the going gets tough, or you’re tired, or doubting yourself. Or when you have to learn a whole bunch of stuff in order for you to achieve what you want to achieve and it’s overwhelming. I’m talking about when you embark on something and it has started to feel empty, or wrong. You somehow know it’s not what you should be doing anymore. In other words, I’m not talking about hiccups and challenges in the process, I’m talking about when the end term goal seems somehow unimportant any more.
I’m proud to say I have given up on things many times in recent years.
I had an offline business for 20 years. I loved it until the last few years. I let it go. It was consuming me, I never had time for friends, I never had time for me, and it was taking an incredible toll on my health. Was it painful to let it go? Yes. This business had defined who I was.
I had promised to write a book for a dear friend of mine. I love her. I loved that she wanted to get her message out there. I tried, I really tried, I poured hours into it, but there was this resistance in me, all the way. It didn’t feel right to me. I felt it would keep her stuck. I didn’t tell her that at the time. I just knew it wasn’t right. I also let go of the fact that if this book was supposed to manifest into our world, I wasn’t the only one who could do it. Did I feel bad at the time? Incredibly so. Has the world fallen apart because of this decision? No!
These are just a couple of scenarios in my life, and I’d love to hear from you if you have ‘given up’ and what has happened since. In my experience, it opens up a whole world of new opportunity. Follow your heart, do what you love. If things feel really bad in your heart, stop doing them. If there’s something that you feel compelled to do, same thing, don’t give up on that dream.
I’d love to hear what you’ve given up on! When was a time that you gave up on something you knew wasn’t right? And when did you give up on some belief about yourself, so you could forge ahead? Please comment below, I always love hearing from you!
With love,
- My Go To Remedy When Life’s Tough - March 5, 2015
- My Personal Story Of Gratitude - February 22, 2015
- Sense of Purpose – 3 Tips - February 21, 2015
Did you enjoy this article?
I so agree with your article. I can look at situations where I STAYED beyond my WELCOME and stayed and stayed and stayed–knowing I should leave, but could not go. This was great.
Me too Jane, I’ve long overstayed my welcome a few times. Its taken me a long time I had to let go of that voice that said ‘quitter!’. So glad you’ve come to that conclusion too!
This is great Julie. I can totally think of a few things that I have given up on that felt so good at the time. I was almost embarrassed to have been so into something one day and then 6mths later to not really have any interest at all, but I got over it. It wasn’t where I wanted to put my time or my energy and that was the bottom line. End of story. I like that I get excited about things. I like that I try them on for size. I like that I am learning that everything I try on does not necessarily fit and some things are surprisingly a better fit than I imagined. (I found a great dress that way last week LOL so this can be applied in all sorts of areas of my life).
Right now, my personal GPS is telling me that though my destination is still awesome, I may need to turn left and change roads. I asked the universe for some clarity. I think your article was the Universe’s response for me. Cheers!!!
Kate you make me laugh! I too have been embarrassed by my enthusiasm over a new plan. I’m used to the ‘eyerolls’, but funnily they get less when people see how much fun you are having, even if you get it wrong half the time:) Yes, GPS’s always correct, why should we think a ‘man made’ one is less effective:) J x
It really does take a lot of courage to give up on something, especially if we’ve put a lot of our self into it. Sometimes something better appears and sometimes it doesn’t. But the peace we feel when we give up on something we need to is totally worth it!
So true Carol, I should have finished my offline business years before I did. But don’t beat myself up, but boy have I learned that lesson!
Thanks for saying something good about giving up as we’re pressurised so much now to keep at it, I have a saying keeping on, keeping on and sometimes giving up is good. They say that actually people drown because they struggle so much and even Esther and Abraham say let go of the oars and let the stream take you! thanks for this as reading it has given me the insight that actually in giving up we create the space for something better or more amazing to take its place!
Great comment Jakeb, thanks so much, you put it so succinctly. I’m much more into ‘allowing’ these days, than ‘forcing’. And if I see another ‘NEVER GIVE UP’ poster plastered on a facebook page, I’m going to have to do some tapping:) (I’m an EFT’er in case you don’t know what tapping is:)) I think it is better put ‘Never give up on your self.” Thanks for your imput, much appreciated, J x
I’m so pleased that you say that giving up can be a good thing, not always, of course, but when we are doing something that is no longer right for us. In fact I love the way you describe that positive kind of giving up, that kind when the giving up is the right thing to do. The word it brings to mind to me is RELEASE – and that is a good thing! So glad I have found my way to your blog.
Ah, ‘release’ that’s such a great way to look at it. Funny, when I’ve spent time with someone when they’re passing, I never say, ‘remember that time you gave up!’ Mostly we laugh about all the crazy antics that we’ve done in our lives. Thank you for your kind words Imogen, yes, it’s always great to connect. I feel the same about you!
Endings. Gah! It’s the thing we’re supposed to fight off (‘cuz endings are bad, you know). Endings are associated with all kinds of negative judgments like failure, not being enough, and my own personal favourite, rejection. I’m with you. Let’s just get over it.
Well put Susan! That not good enough thing, it’s rampant in our society. I see it every day in my EFT practice. The most fabulous women are by far the greatest offenders! How different our lives would be if we just loved ourselves exactly where we’re up to right now:) Yep, let’s just get over it!
Great words of wisdom here, thank you. Yes, we feel guilty and like a failure if we give up…but like the situation with writing your friend’s book, if it doesn’t feel right, you have to give up. Listening to our intuition and acting upon it is very empowering.
oh boy Deanna, that decision to not write the book was one of the hardest ones I’ve ever made, because I had my Mum’s voice in my head, ‘A promise is a promise!’ Oh the guilt, the shame, the ‘letting someone down’ feeling. Next time, it’s going to be easier! thanks for your comments lovely!
Great post, Julie! I totally agree with you that sometimes it’s better to give up than to stick with something that no longer serves you. There may be an art to pursuing a goal despite all odds, but there is also an art to letting to. We can only move on when we let go. So please keep moving! 🙂
So eloquently put Karo! ‘The Art of Letting Go’ Now there’s a book title for someone! How about you! J x
That’s too kind of you, Julie! But I can try to write about it for next week’s blog entry, if nothing else changes the course of my thoughts in the meantime. 🙂
Interesting, I gave up doing my radio show this week because I felt a need to nurture, retrench and do less. I also am giving up a thing. I mentally said good bye to my trusty car of 10 years to welcome a new one in the upcoming year.
Always good to do these things Holly, out with the old to make way for the new.
I agree! I’ve done all of the above but now I do try to trust the flow of my own dance of what feels right 🙂 It really makes a difference! 🙂 <3 Mimi
I particularly endorse the idea of taking everyone else out of the equation and finding one’s own truth. I remember when my children did music lessons, other people would say, “Oh did she give up playing the piano?’ (when she’d got to grade 5) and I felt this was a strange perspective. I liked that they tried and did it for a length of time until satisfied, or bored and then they were able to walk away, guilt free, ready to pursue the next exciting thing life had to offer. Perhaps we can enjoy all we have started and not guilt trip ourselves or others if we chose not to continue everything!